Escape from North Korea

"There are other people in the world less fortunate than you." -- Your mom probably said this when you were acting like a little brat as a child


North Korea is one of the most isolated, and consequently, strangest places in the world.  It's population is around 25 million. Communication outside the country is forbidden, there are only about 2 million phone lines, most of which belong to public officials. Starvation and famine is common.  The state is completely based on the "cult of personality" surrounding the recently deceased Dear Leader Kim Jong Il (recently succeeded by his son).  The state run news regurally runs absurd stories about the accomplishments of the Dear Leader:

World's Greatest Golfer: "In 1994, Pyongyang media reported that Kim Jong-il shot an amazing 11 holes-in-one to achieve an unprecedented 38-under-par game on a regulation 18-hole golf course - on his first try at golf"

His Shit Don't Stink: "According to the official biography on the North Korean state web site, Kim Jong-il didn't defecate. The biography has since been taken down."

Picky Eater: "A nephew of Jong-il's first wife, Lee Young Nam, wrote that the obsessive leader insisted his rice be cooked using trees cut from Mt. Paektu (the mountain where he was born), and that he had female staff inspected each grain of rice to make sure it met his strict standards."


Mind-boggling-facts-about-kim-jong-il

While the absurdities of the state run media are highly amusing, the reality on the ground is far from it.  As seen from space North Korea is a veritable black hole. (Japan to the East, China to the North and West)

Equally unamusing is the use of work camps to round up dissidents and political enemies in order to work them to death. Only one person has been known to ever escape and make it out of the country.

The South Korean government estimates there are about 154,000 prisoners in North Korea’s labour camps, while the US state department puts the number as high as 200,000. The biggest is 31 miles long and 25 miles wide, an area larger than the city of Los Angeles.

His first memory is an execution. He walked with his mother to a wheat field, where guards had rounded up several thousand prisoners. The boy crawled between legs to the front row, where he saw guards tying a man to a wooden pole.

Shin In Geun was four years old, too young to understand the speech that came before that killing. At dozens of executions in years to come, he would listen to a guard telling the crowd that the prisoner about to die had been offered “redemption” through hard labour, but had rejected the generosity of the North Korean government.

Camp 14 as seen from the air:

 His insane story:

http://www.utsalumni.org/news/how-one-man-escaped-from-a-north-korean-prison-camp-3549/

Nonsensical White House Petition Drive

So recently the White House started a website where you can start of join various petitions to the Obama Administration.  After 25,000 signatures then the White House is required to respond to the petition.  Sounds like a great way for the little guy to have meaningful interactions with the government, right ??? This seems like a great idea until you stop and consider just how stupid the general public is.  Notable petitions:

- Outlawing offending the prophets of major religions - 37,967 signatures (surely this would in no way violate the 1st Amendment)

- Make the Metric System standard in the United States - 30,225 signatures (didn't we put this one to bed already?)

- Eliminate armed guards for the President, Vice-President, and their families, and establish Gun Free Zones around them - 20,978 signatures (I see what you did there)

- Deport Piers Morgan - 16,721 signatures

- Don't Deport Piers Morgan - 9,724 signatures

- Instruct the U.S. Mint to create a $1 trillion platinum coin - 8,409 signatures

- A different "don't deport Piers Morgan" - 3,737 signatures

- Publicly admit and disclose all information about extra-terrestrial beings, our true history, and peaceful technologies. - 1,392 signatures

- Develop and issue a stamp or series of stamps that depict, promote, and normalize breastfeeding. -1,297 signatures

- and, of course, Order the U.S. military to build a Death Star - 34,445 signatures and actually got a "no" response from the administration today.

http://www.foxnews.com/science/2013/01/14/no-death-star-for-us-military-white-house-says/

.... sigh.

Required Guy Skills: The J Turn

There are at least four skills that every guy should master.  The first is changing a tire.  Second is tying a Windsor knot.  Third is be able to cook at least one killer meal. The fourth you ask ???? The J Turn.

Warning: Please only try this in an open parking lot with a rented (of borrowed from a friend) vehicle. 

Sometimes you get involved in situations where you need bug out quick.  Liquor store robbery, shootout after a drug deal gone bad... we've all been there.  You need need to split but, oh no!!, your car is pointed the wrong way !!!  Reverse tops out at around 30 mph so that's no good.  You need turn your car around in a hurry.  That's where the J Turn comes in. The J Turn gets its name from the actual shape of the maneuver--you literally make a J with your car.

The J Turn:

1.  Put the car into reverse and smash it.  You need to be going at least 20 mph (preferably faster) the get the momentum of the car to pull you through the turn. 2-3 second of full throttle should get you there.

2.  Abruptly pull your foot off the accelerator and quickly turn the steering wheel 180-270 degrees (half to 3/4 turn). The car should violently begin to turn into a spin. Note: I prefer to pull the emergency brake here to ensure the wheels lock up.

3. About midway the spin you need to try and put the car into neutral or all the way into drive.  This is easier said than dune under the circumstances.  After the midpoint you also nee to straighten up the tires.

4.  Once facing the correct direction let off the emergency brake and jam the gas pedal. You should already be in drive and should be going forward now and well on your way to escaping your dire situation!!!

Have fun out there !!!!

This Week in News: BroNYCon 2012

In case you were busy living a normal existence earlier this week you may have missed BronyCon 2012 in New York City this week.  What is BronyCon you ask?  It's the annual convention where superfans of the "My Little Pony" animated television show can dress up as their favorite MLP (see what I did there?) character without being judged or ridiculed by the cruel world outside. Observe:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/10/bronycon-2012

This young man believes that Bronies are changing the definition of male paradigm:

I know we are all into weird shit in our own way so I probably shouldn't judge... but I'm going to anyway.  Was dressing up as a Klingon and heading to ComicCon in San Diego just not doing it for you anymore?

Guns in America !!!!

Primer: For those that don't know, Piers Morgan is a relatively new CNN personality that hosts a 1 hour nightly news opinion program at 8:00 p.m. central that competes directly with Sean Hannity of Fox News.  He has been an outspoken advocate of major gun restrictions in the United States even before the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, and has been absolutely foaming at the mouth ever since, even airing a 1 hour special on the topic.

Alex Jones on the other hand is an anti-government crusader that hes never met a conspiracy theory he didn't love.  He got his start on Austin public-access cable where he would conduct "investigations" and generally just freak people out during his interviews.  There is a really great one of him dressed as the Grim Reaper screaming into a megaphone outside of the Governor's Mansion in Austin and one where he gets arrested after refusing to give his thumbprint when renewing his Texas Driver's license.  He currently has a 3 hour syndicated daily radio show and runs the www.infowars.com website. (Infowars is always worth a good 20-30 minute look through).  This is probably his best rant:

Last night on Piers Morgan:

Jones may be a wee bit unstable as you could probably tell if you were able to get to the part where Jones accused Morgan of being a "hatchet man for the New World Order" (Tell us what you really think !!), various other bizarre ramblings, including one against the prescription drug companies and finally offering to fight Morgan with red, white and blue boxing gloves.

Here is what is really happening.  Morgan intentionally brought on someone who comes across as a complete lunatic to oppose him not to have a debate or try to prove a point, he did it send the message that if you a pro-gun then you are on the same side as this maniac talking about revolutions and government conspiracies and that no sane person could possibly agree with him. Fox News really does this trick well when they invite liberals to defend their positions, I distinctly remember a woman on a birth control panel on Hannity suggest that it was "immoral for anyone to reproduce" given the damage that we are doing to the world. Keep an eye out for this trick, it's used far more than you might think.

UPDATE: Morgan just did an interview with Politico:

http://www.politico.com/blogs/media/2013/01/exclusive-piers-morgan-discusses-alex-jones-153617.html

Highlights:

"He was the best advertisement for gun control you could wish for," Morgan told POLITICO.

"That kind of vitriol, hatred, and zealotry is really quite scary. I didn't feel threatened by him, but I'm concerned that someone like him has that level of influence," Morgan said. "There's got to be a level of discourse that can rise above what happened last night. It was undignified, unedifying."

Morgan said he anticipated such a performance: "I knew what we were going to be getting into with him," he said. "I know about his background and his reputation, so I know he's kind of shock jock."
But Jones is also influential among conservatives, Morgan said, which is why he had him on CNN.

"He said last night that his show now airs in 140 networks, he has a huge online presence -- every day his message gets sent out to millions of Americans," Morgan said. "Through vitriol and rhetoric he is able to spur heavy gun sales and ammunition sales. He works off of fear.

COMING SOON - January 8, 2013 !!!!

Kids,

I've decided that my semi-coherent rants need a longer medium so I/we have decided to launch The Spill Sheet. I am generally going to be analyzing (read complaining) about current event, sports, TV & movies, economics and the generally idiocy of our home planet of Earth and it's 6 billion residents. I have another main contributor (and maybe a third) that I won't identify in case they want to remain anonymous. If anyone else want to contribute of guest post feel free to ask. Keep in mind, though, that just like those pictures and stories of your kids that not everyone may find you equally entertaining.  I would like to get some people that will write weekly episode reviews of various popular TV shows since that really drives internet traffic, I will probably end up doing The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, Archer and maybe Homeland.  We are going to keep the site SFW (save for work) so any "objectionable content" will be behind a NSFW link. I am starting up a twitter feed and a facebook fan page so subscribe like the shit out of it. I will be posting under the name "Dr. Fear" (I'll just have to explain that one later). We are going to try and have fun here but we will occasionally hit the important topics of the day.

The official grand launch of The Spill Sheet will be this Tuesday. I would do it tomorrow but I plan to watch the national championship game (take ND +10) over about 12 light domestic beers so tough titties. So, I hope all you little hulkamaniacs like what we do here.  With your help, we can make this year the best 2013 EVA !!!!!!

- Patrick