Your Post-Daylight Savings Week Link Dump

Last weekend's time distortions carried their way into the week leading to some bizarre happenings--2 of which don't even involve the state of Florida:

Some special asshole in Austin managed to flip his car on the I-35 access road in Austin.  Normally not that big of a deal unless you happen to flip said car into a new car lot.  The guy flipped his car ON TOP of the first row of cars and proceeded to roll his way down the line of new vehicles. Nine vehicles totaled, another nine damaged. Perhaps more impressively he managed to jog away from the scene at a healthy pace. Probably running a half-marathon, after all this is Austin we are talking about. #13.1
 Crash Damages 18 Hyundai (What is the plural of "Hyundai?")

There was less damage in the Bigfoot scene in Roadhouse.

An "unnamed expert" out of the Ukraine is claiming that "militarized dolphins" have escaped from their handlers in the Ukraine.  The dolphins were part of a covert defense program designed to disarm (or trigger) underwater mines and even attack enemy diver with "knives or pistols strapped to the dolphin's head."  We can leave aside the question of how a dolphin fires a pistol strapped to its head because the "Flipper 3" have escaped to the open ocean apparently for mating season.  I'd rather surf with a Great White than a horny stabbin' dolphin.


Ukraine Might Have Military Trained Killer Dolphins Might Have Escaped

Obligatory Denial:
Ukraine Defense Ministry Denies Weaponized Dolphin Escape

We can't leave out Florida:

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. -- A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought.
It happened Thursday morning at a home on the 200 block of Verada Street in Port St. Lucie.
Police say 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio first lied to police saying someone shot him while he was walking down the street. After being questioned by police he admitted to accidentally doing it himself.
Doctors say the bullet went through his penis, his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh.
Smeriglio told police he bought the gun last month at a party.
While police were investigating at the home where it happened, they discovered marijuana in the house. That led to the arrest of the homeowner Joseph Lamar James, 22, on drug charges.

Florida Teen Shoots His Own Junk Off